Mary

Loss...taking a deep breathe, I am again pierced with the realization that she is gone. Profound sadness envelopes me. I know I will never again sit by the smoldering embers of a campfire, dappled sunlight warming my shoulders, while leaves rustle overhead, sharing dreams, stories and coffee with my sweet friend Mary.
April, last year, this beautiful woman who so enriched my life, had her gallbladder removed; during the biopsy they found cancer. None of us realized it was a rare cancer, and almost impossible to fight. In a little under twelve months, that wicked, life destroying invader took someone incredibly precious to me.

Life is a gift. And, we have the power within us to make our life a blessing to others. Mary was a wonderful blessing to me. I can still see her smile the day she and Cary were married. I had not known Mary very long at the time. Her soon-to-be husband, Cary and my husband, Mike were buddies from high school. But, the next 24 years, Mary and I made memories. We camped, cooked, shopped, skied, vacationed, laughed, attended concerts and football games, brought in the New Year, and raised our children together. She was always a 'sweet fragrance' in my days.

Over the last few weeks, my senses have pulled forward memories of so many things we have done together. Some of my favorites, are the hours Mary and I spent campside talking, while our husbands played golf. The peacefulness of sitting in God's landscape, with a cup of coffee and our treasured conversation, is a part of her I will keep with me forever. Sharing conversation with a valued friend, is good for your soul. And, when you find someone who really connects, your heart becomes involved, and that is a true gift from the Lord.

The last time I saw Mary, was at a wonderful cancer facility in Tulsa. The day we were leaving, I was waiting for Mike to return from Houston, and my thoughts turned to salvation. I wondered what Mary had around her that would offer comfort during what I am sure she knew were the final hours of her struggle. What would I want? What would I need around me (other than family and friends) to sustain me in spirit? God's Word. Did she have a Bible with her? Did someone remember to pack it? I have several, which would be the best to take? And, what specifically could I write inside to draw her to quick comfort? Even having studied the Bible in depth periodically, I still struggle to recall specific verses when I want to find them. Our sovereign Lord knew already. I found what I needed, His plan of salvation. So, for the next half hour or so, I filled the first page with words I had been given and passages of confirmation. I took that Bible to Tulsa and layed it beside Mary's bed.

Her body so eaten away with the cancer, she could hardly stand to be touched. I ache to think of the realization she had that her life and time here was coming to an end. That alone would steal your joy, not to mention the constant pain the cancer created. I had the blessing of a few moments alone with her, to talk about Christ and tell her how much I loved her. The morning of our final day there, we walked into her room and felt the change. The radiance of Mary's smile filled the room like brilliant sunlight; her face reflecting the love of Christ. Mary and I smiled at each other, both understanding. My heart soared, as unexpected joy settled over us both. When I leaned down to kiss her, she lifted her bone slender arms around my neck and hugged me. After whispered words of love and assurance, I told her I would see her later, knowing that 'later', if not here would definitely be Heaven.

I cry and grieve each day I selfishly do not have sweet Mary here. But, I thank God He gave me years of memories, those three days and His assurance; that the precious gift I miss here on earth, I will have in Heaven. I love you, dear sister and friend. And, I carry you with me daily in the depths of my heart.

Face

Blackness surrounded the vehicle as I drove. Nothing outside of the range of the headlights was visible. Streetlights were scarce in this neighborhood. In fact, it had very little to offer the inhabitants, other than shelter. The early morning stillness made the crunch of gravel beneath my tires echo loudly. The tiny square house came into view, the third in a row of similar houses.
Turning fully onto the narrow dirt road, I glanced to my left and noticed a scattering of trees and bare dirt area large enough for my vehicle. As I swung the car into the space, my headlights illuminated a camping tent. Frowning, I quickly turned off the headlights, hoping I had not disturbed the occupants. Moving the gear shift to park, I switched off the engine.

Taking a deep breath, I glanced around me. Driving the last half hour in a mindless state, I suddenly realized the time of morning and total darkness surrounding me. 'No one will be up at this hour, have I lost my mind, what am I doing here?', I asked myself. 'This is not safe for a woman alone, I can deliver these items later'. 'Leave', my brain ordered, as a prickling chill ran across my arms. Suddenly realizing the danger I had put myself in, I grabbed at the keys. A shadow of movement in my peripheral vision, washed my whole body with fear. 'Turn the key', I thought, my fingers skimming the dangling keys, as my left hand inched towards the door lock. 'Do not look, just lock the door and get out of here', my mind shouted! Automatically leaning towards the console, away from the driver side window, my heart pounded furiously as my fingers inched upwards pressing the lock. I shifted my eyes towards the window, as a dark face with large jowls and angry eyes leaned towards me. 'Noooo', my mind screamed as I jolted awake. Stark terror rippled through me, as my eyes focused on the ceiling above me. Trembling from the aftershock, blood pounding in my ears, my mind registering the horrifying realization - I knew that face.

Birthday

What a glorious day it is in Allen, Texas. The temperature is expected to reach 107, the sun is bright, and the locust are singing! Singing may not be the technical term for their distinct sound, but I always view it as a song! I was born and raised in Texas, and the sound of locust signifies summer, camping, waves of heat, God's bountiful trees, and the feeling of peace! 'Locust' also reminds me of God's words in Joel 2:25, 26 and 27....

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten......You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other..."

God has done some amazing things in the years since I first recognized Him as my living God; and I sit here this day and praise His name, with a joyful spirit for allowing me to see the wonders He has worked for me!!

Blessings to you this day, whatever your temperature, circumstance and relationship with our Father!!!

D